I had to be careful not to wake my neighbor and tried to minimize any excessive body movements. Exhaustion and lack of real nuitrition made such body ...unctions frustratingly difficult. I am sure that I was not the only person in the camp who indulged in this activity. I could not even close my eyes so that I might conjure a fantasy I had to be constantly alert to being observed by either an inmate or a guard who periodically walked through the barracks flashing their lights at us at any given. Nothing fun or even remotely interesting ever seemed to happen around him. The problem, he reckoned, lay within him. He saw nothing special or exciting about himself. He was just about as middle-of-the-road as you could get. Medium height, medium weight, mousy brown hair, average looks, average intelligence. A “salt of the earth type,” his mother would have called him. In any crowd of people, he was the guy blending in. Despite that, he always felt his biggest problem was that he was somehow…. Still having to finish my make-up I tell him to take a seat on the couch. I talked to him from my bedroom; apologizing for making us run late and asking him where we’ll be eating and stuff like that. 10 minutes or so past by and I come out ready to go and Danny is still sitting on the couch. I tell him ready when you are, but he is kind of hesitant to stand up. He had this concerned look on his face, so I ask what’s up. At first he doesn’t say anything, just looks at me. With a sort of. All the worry is in me,it's not him, it's in me....My long walks were sometimes more confusing than enlightening, but theyalways made me feel better, and calmer eventually, and more willing tojust go.One step in front of another, trisha, down the path of submission to him.Now, I could feel a lightness inside me, a lifting of clouds, ofpessimism, of darkness and weight, as I decided, one small step at attime, to be free, just let it go, the shame and moralizing andberating.....and my thoughts.
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