"Dash it all, man!" a man's voice shouted. "Don't you know yourclumsiness is due to your own carelessness? You should learn to be morecareful."I tur...ed and saw Ahramberin, the King's Wizard, staring down at me from agolden palfrey."You, young man, are obviously Godferic, known in these parts as theClumsy Woodsman." Yes, that would be me, Lord Wizard!" I told him."Then come with me, Godferic!" he said, then lifted me onto his saddle androde away down the forest path in the direction of the. ..yes sir. But Smythe was not beingpassionate. On the contrary he was being a consummate business man. Nickyyour anus is tight. That's good but you need to be able to accommodatelength. Fetch my bag boy. Nicky sprang off the bed and opened the Captainsbag on the bed. Smythe pulled out an object, made from dark mahogany, longand thin shaped like a cucumber but much thinner. Nicky, this is adilator. I need you to use this on your bottom religiously until we land inNigeria. It is exactly 13 inches. You're thinking it's me, not Dick.Au contraire. And I can prove it.See, Dick is into stuff that I'm not into."But I thought it was you who wakes Dick up," you say. (Well, you'd say that if you were paying attention. I know I ramble a little, but try to stay with me. The next dirty story is just ahead.)Yeah, Dick's sleeping until he gets a call from my libido, but once he's awake it doesn't take him long to get off in the bushes. Er, weeds. Whatever.Anyway, he gets into some weird weeds. Places. "Well, I don't know if I can do the forgetting part, but the other things you mentioned are easy enough! "Now since you want me to treat you the way you used to be treated, you can start off by showing me what you used to do. See, Dad may have seen you in action, dancing and whatnot, but I haven't. So why don't you show me your stuff," I said."Ooh, that sounds like fun!" Porsche said excitedly. "Okay, but let's make it more realistic. You go wait in the living room and I am going to put on.
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